


The One Where Yata and Lupin Swap Bodies

by doodledinmypants



Series: Yata’s Excellent Side Twink Adventures [3]
Category: Lupin III
Genre: Anal Sex, Body Swap, Cursed Idol/Amulet trope, Daddy Kink, Explicit Consent, M/M, MacGuffins, Multi, Oral Sex, Orgasms break the curse, Porn with Feelings, Size Kink, Spit-roasting, but also everyone involved here is catching Feelings, dubiously translated ancient Norse, except Fujiko who is just having a blast, heck if I miss any tags just lmk and I'll add them in, this is very silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 11:34:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28705992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doodledinmypants/pseuds/doodledinmypants
Summary: Lupin and Yata grab a cursed amulet at the same time, and the only way to break the curse is to experience simultaneous orgasms! They're not so keen on getting each other off, however, so they get by with a little help from their friends. It's basically PWP but oops, I dropped some Feelings in the mix, too.
Relationships: Arsène Lupin III/Zenigata Kouichi, Ishikawa Goemon XIII/Jigen Daisuke/Arsène Lupin III, Ishikawa Goemon XIII/Jigen Daisuke/Yatagarasu Gorou, Lupin & Yata, Yatagarasu Gorou/Zenigata Kouichi, zenigata/yata
Series: Yata’s Excellent Side Twink Adventures [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2097663
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	The One Where Yata and Lupin Swap Bodies

Lupin dove for the Allegedly Cursed Amulet of Loki at the same time as Yata. Their hands closed on the bright green gem, which winked like a great eye. There was a flash of light. When it faded, Yata and Lupin had switched places.

Or, at least, so it seemed to them. 

Zenigata clapped his handcuffs on Lupin—or so he thought—with a triumphant cackle. “Got you now, Lupin!”

Lupin—who looked like Yata—stared at them in confusion. Then, he shrugged and threw himself into Jigen’s arms. Jigen grunted in surprise but caught him on reflex. Lupin put on a purposefully theatrical voice. “Ah! But I’m being held hostage by this nefarious gunman!”

“No, you’re not!” Yata sputtered, with Lupin’s face twisting in confusion. “Inspector! We’ve swapped bodies somehow!”

“Nice try, Lupin, but that’s not gonna work on me. Yata, quit playing around, let’s go.”

“No, he’s right, Pops,” Lupin sighed with Yata’s voice. “Looks like the curse is real.”

Jigen shoved him away, disgruntled. “So, what, you’re Junior Pops now?”

“Please don’t call me that.” 

“Yup! And Yata is me. Wow, I’m a lot more handsome from this perspective.”

Zenigata glanced back and forth between the two, gears visibly turning in his head. He narrowed his eyes. Then he reached out and pinched both Lupin and Yata on the cheek, hard. He received twin shouts of pain but no sign of a mask. “All right, so you’ve been cursed. How do we un-curse you?”

Lupin tossed the amulet up in the air and caught it with one hand. “The inscription is in Nordic runes. My ancient Norse is a little rusty but I think it says: _Those who begin together must end together._ Something like that, anyway.”

“What does that mean?” Yata asked, voice rising in panic. Lupin winced. Did he really sound that nasally?

“No idea! But don’t worry, I know someone who can get us a better translation.”

…

Fujiko looked like she was trying not to laugh. “So you’re Lupin, and you’re Yata.”

“Yes,” they chorused. 

Now she wasn’t even trying. Fujiko cracked up, kicking her feet as she tipped back in her chair. 

“Yeah, it’s real friggin’ funny,” Jigen groused. “Except we can’t exactly run around with Lupin looking like a cop.”

“And I can’t work with Yata looking like this!” Zenigata added, just as agitated.

Lupin and Yata exchanged a look. 

“Wow, they’re really worried about us, huh?” Lupin quipped wryly. 

“I mean, they have a point,” Yata said with a shrug. 

Goemon spoke up: “Fujiko, are you able to translate the runes?”

Fujiko wiped a tear from her eye and caught her breath with a final giggle. “Sure, sure. Let’s see it.”

They handed over the amulet, carefully wrapped in a handkerchief to avoid any further ‘accidents’, and she took out a jeweler’s loupe to peer at the inscription. “Hmm. Wow. You don’t see many of those.”

“What? What is it?” asked Yata. Everyone leaned forward in anticipation.

“It’s a pun. In Norse. _Þau hverr byrja einn sinni eigendir á einn sinni._ Lupin’s translation was pretty close, but there’s a subtle connotation he may have missed. Though it’s definitely on brand for him.” Fujiko smirked.

“Just spit it out already,” Jigen snapped. 

Fujiko rolled her eyes at him. _“Those who begin at once must end at once._ The ‘begin’ is obvious: it’s the moment you two touched the amulet at the same time, right? So to reverse it you have to ‘end’ at the same time.”

Lupin nodded. “Right. But we tried touching it again and nothing happened. So what’s the pun?” Then, his face (Yata’s face), twisted in agonized realization and he groaned. “Oh. I just got it.”

Yata looked even more horrified now. “Does that mean… we have to die?”

Fujiko burst out laughing again, waving a hand. “No, no. Well, maybe a _little_ death.”

 _“Une petit mort,”_ Lupin echoed in French, still groaning. “That’s fucking terrible. But you’re right, it _is_ very on brand for me.”

…

Fujiko kicked the men out of her suite, so they returned to the pair of joined rooms Lupin, Jigen, and Goemon were sharing. “We have an extra bed, since they’re both doubles,” Lupin offered, his smile looking kinder on Yata’s face. “I know this is a lot to think about, so why don’t we sleep on it and figure something out in the morning?”

“If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather we just get it over with,” Yata said tightly. “It’s really unsettling seeing you looking like… me.”

“Trust me, the feeling is mutual!” Lupin put his hands up, fingers splayed wide. “You keep making these worried little pouty faces and staring at Pops adoringly. It’s super weird.”

“I do not—!”

Zenigata coughed. Yata looked at him, and he blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, you, uh. You kinda do. I guess I just noticed it now because it looked so out of place on Lupin’s face. Sorry, Yata.”

Yata blushed, and Lupin face-palmed. “See, that’s what I’m talking about! I can’t let anyone see me like that! I’ll lose all of my cred.”

“Well, how are we supposed to… you know… at the same time?” Yata demanded, blush deepening. “Should we synchronize our watches?”

“We could just jack off in the same room and try to get our timing right,” Lupin suggested. 

“Absolutely not. It’s weird enough seeing you talk and make faces with my face, I don’t want to see you touching my…” Yata cut off as he reached ‘should I call a doctor?’ levels of crimson. 

“We could jack each other off?”

_“NO!”_

Lupin snorted. “Don’t act so innocent. I know you’ve already fucked Jigen and Goemon.”

Yata’s eyes went wide and sweat beaded on his forehead. “N-no I haven’t!”

Zenigata cleared his throat pointedly, and Yata wailed. “Inspector, please!”

“Look, Yata, you weren’t exactly subtle,” Zenigata mumbled. “You’ve called their names before. With me.”

Yata needed Loki to jump right out of that amulet, right now, and yeet him into Helheim because he was going to die. He was going to die looking like Lupin. His voice (Lupin’s voice) came out small and miserable. “Sorry, sir.”

“Okay, well, maybe we don’t have to be in the same room,” Lupin said, trying to get them back on track. “We can just be in these two separate rooms. I can rig up a gadget we can wear that alerts us when the other person is about to come.”

The look of trepidation that Yata gave him made Lupin all the more eager to get his face back where it belonged. “Do I want to know how and where these gadgets will be worn?”

…

They were vibrating cock rings. Of course. Lupin told him how to use it, then he left Yata and Zenigata in one room while he remained in the other with Jigen and Goemon. Yata sat on one bed, Zenigata on the other, not looking at each other. 

“I could leave,” Zenigata offered, brow furrowed. “If that would be easier.”

“No, I… I’d rather you stayed,” Yata said, swallowing hard. “If that’s okay, Inspector.”

Zenigata moved over to the other bed and put a big, strong arm around his shoulders. “Sure. And since we’re alone, you know you can call me Koichi, Goro.” 

“Right.” Yata gave him a weak smile. “Sir… _Koichi_ , If I ask you to help me with this, will you be touching me, or _him_?”

Zenigata recoiled as if he’d been slapped. “I…” He clicked his teeth shut against the lie that wanted to come out and shook his head. “I _know_ it’s you, Goro, but you look like Lupin. I don’t know if I can think of you as _only_ you right now, to be perfectly honest. Will that be an issue?”

Yata shook his head. “No, I think it’ll be fine. Thank you for your honesty.”

“Of course. Now, why don’t you get ready? I’ll be right here.”

…

“So, how’re you gonna do this?” Jigen asked, his morbid curiosity getting the better of him. “Have a wank in the shower?”

Lupin snorted. “Well, I asked Fujiko already but she turned me down. How about you, Jigen? Goemon, you want in on this? I know you think he’s cute.”

Goemon seemed scandalized by the very thought, and even more perturbed by the way Lupin attempted to pull his idea of a ‘cute’ face while looking like Yata. “We should not desecrate Officer Yatagarasu’s body through excessively lewd acts. Deal with it efficiently and be done with it.”

“We could spit-roast him,” Jigen suggested. “I’ll take front, you take back.”

There was a long silence. Then, quietly: “Yes, very well.”

Lupin grinned. “Okay, but we’re _so_ taking photos of that.”

…

Yata had applied the orgasm warning device as directed, stretching the silicone ring wide to pull his flaccid cock and balls through it. The vibrating ring would provide some stimulation, but also stave off premature orgasm, so maybe they could try to sync up once they were both sufficiently primed. 

His physical relationship with Zenigata was a secret at the precinct, but apparently not amongst the thieves. Maybe the other police officers whispered about them behind their backs, too. Yata felt a knot of dread in his belly. What if they were discovered and Zenigata lost his job for ‘inappropriate conduct’? Yata would lose his, too, but he was more worried about his inspector. 

“Yata? Um, Goro?” Zenigata called from the bed. He sounded nervous, concerned. 

“I’ll be right there,” Yata called back, glancing at himself in the mirror. Lupin stared back at him, eerily mimicking his every move. It was so surreal that he thought maybe he could reach out and touch Lupin through the mirror, because it wasn’t a mirror at all, just an open window. But no: cool, reflective glass met his fingertips. He really was trapped in Lupin’s body. 

A faint buzzing from the cock ring made him jump. Lupin was already starting, and by the buzzing sound, he was getting pretty randy already. Was he getting help, too, or just staring at some dirty magazines in the bathroom? Also, why did he even have a pair of vibrating cock rings in the first place? That was more of a mystery than how Lupin had MacGyvered them for their purposes.

_It doesn’t matter. Don’t think about what he’s doing with your body. Just use his, get off, and this will all be over._

Yata marched naked back out to the bed where Zenigata was down to his undershirt and shorts, condoms and lube set out on the table. He’d even grabbed a couple of the hotel hand towels for cleanup later. Yata’s heart swelled with affection and pride for this wonderful man, who he was sure would take very good care of him. He had in the past, after all.

“Do you think you can avoid calling me Lupin?” he asked the inspector hesitantly. “I know what I look like, and I know your instincts are going to shout ‘LUUUUPAAAAAAAN,’ but just…”

“I understand,” Zenigata assured him, drawing Yata into his lap for a big, warm bear hug and a kiss on the cheek. Yata melted a little at the familiar, gentle affection. “Don’t worry, I’m here for _you_ , Goro. Now, how about we catch up before that hornball blows his load too early?”

Yata brought his hands up to frame Zenigata’s strong jaw and kissed him soundly. It felt weird kissing with someone else’s mouth. The teeth felt all wrong against his tongue, and his lips were so wide and mobile. It was like Lupin’s whole face was just another one of his masks. 

Maybe it was the urgency of the situation, or maybe it was the way Yata looked and felt like Lupin that turned Zenigata’s kisses more aggressive, demanding. He bit down on Yata’s lower lip and when Yata gasped, Zenigata gave him an answering rumble of approval. “Goro, you always sound so sweet when I touch you,” he murmured, moving his mouth along Yata’s jaw and biting down again just below the hinge, into the side of his neck. “Your sounds coming outta that mouth… it’s messing with my head, but _damn_ , I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t turning me on.”

Between that and the steadily increasing vibrations of the device around his cock, Yata was hard in short order. He was somewhat relieved to see that Lupin was not significantly smaller or larger than he was—a little thicker, a little shorter, but not so different that it was distracting. They were both pretty average in that department. “Koichi,” Yata breathed, tipping his head back to give the inspector more room. “Do you think about doing this to Lupin a lot?”

Zenigata groaned, biting down hard on the juncture between shoulder and neck and sucking a mark into the skin. Yata’s pitchy yelp dissolved into a series of whimpering gasps as Zenigata’s large hand engulfed his erection and stroked it slowly. “All the fucking time,” he confessed in a harsh whisper. “Please forgive me.”

“It’s okay. I know you’ve been in love with him for a long time.” Yata gave him an understanding smile, only a little sad around the edges. “Longer than you’ve known me.”

“I don’t deserve you, Goro.” Oh no, now the big guy was getting weepy. “You’re so good, so loyal, so kind…”

“And you’re the most passionate, honorable, and brilliant man I’ve ever worked with,” Yata returned, threading fingers into Zenigata’s short, slightly curly hair. “I know I make it obvious, but I’ve been in love with you for awhile, too.”

Zenigata kissed him again, hard and desperate. When he pulled back, Yata looked dazed and flushed. “What would help you get off fastest?”

“Your cock. In me.” Yata licked his lips. “You know I can get off on that alone, but your hand on me would probably speed things up.”

Zenigata nodded, also plenty red in the face. Yata had to get off of his lap in order for Zenigata to strip his underclothes off. He lubed up his fingers and gestured for Yata to get comfortable. “Lupin’s body is a little… stretchier than yours, so we probably won’t need to prep as much.”

Yata nodded and settled back into Zenigata’s lap, facing him, so that he could keep enjoying those deliciously hot kisses. Zenigata’s hand reached beneath him, back past his faintly vibrating cock and balls, and pressed a cool, slippery finger inside. Yata did feel a little looser than usual—maybe Lupin was just more naturally elastic all over? It would make sense. The man seemed to be made of cooked noodles and rubber bands. “Mmm, you could go for three right away, and I think I’d be fine,” Yata huffed, wiggling his hips. “Don’t waste any time, Koichi, I can feel him getting closer.”

“Right.” Zenigata eased his second and third fingers in beside the first with a little wriggle and Yata groaned with pleasure. Stretching him and thrusting his fingers in deeper as quickly as he dared, Zenigata kept an eye on Yata’s face as he bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut. “Doing all right, there?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Yata assured him hastily. “Your fingers just feel so good. This body is… really sensitive. Feels like any little thing could get me going. Wow, no wonder Lupin is constantly horny. I bet zipping up his pants gives him a boner.”

Zenigata choked a little on his laughter. “That sounds about right. Okay. You ready?”

Yata nodded and watched hungrily as Zenigata rolled the condom over his cock and slicked it up with a generous amount of lube. He rose up on his knees and sank down on the inspector’s intimidatingly large cock like he was made for it. Nerve endings he didn’t even know he had lit up as Zenigata filled him a centimeter at a time. Once he was fully seated in Zenigata’s lap, Yata needed a moment to adjust, overwhelmed by the sensation. He wrapped his arms around Zenigata’s neck and just panted against his shoulder while Zenigata petted down his spine in long, soothing strokes.

A warning pulse from the cock ring made Yata whimper. “Move!”

…

Meanwhile, Lupin was having a grand old time, on hands and knees on the bed with Goemon buried to the hilt in his ass and Jigen’s thick cock filling his throat. Yata’s body had a little more of a gag reflex than Lupin was used to, but he liked a challenge. Also, Yata was a good decade younger than Lupin, and that was _so_ nice. He probably had an excellent refractory period.

For some reason, Lupin had thought that Jigen and Goemon would be gentler with him, looking like this. Yata always gave the impression of naivete, even innocence, qualities that were rare in a cop. He seemed like the type that both men would try to protect. Instead, they seemed even more eager to push Lupin to his limits than ever. A few times he had to call on them to slow down, take it easy—Yata was falling behind in the other room, judging by how long it was taking his own cock ring to start buzzing. “You know I can be a hair trigger,” Lupin reminded them. “I need you to keep me from coming until Yata’s close enough.”

Goemon smirked. “I am something of an expert at denying you completion, Lupin.”

Jigen snickered. “Yeah, swords aren’t the only edges Goemon has mastered. He could keep you going for hours. Don’t worry about it.”

“I’m doing this for Yata, too, ya know,” Lupin said with a pout. “If I come too early, or he does, we have to wait and start over again. I don’t know how much of that poor Yata could take, especially if Zenigata is giving him a hand… or other things.”

Jigen and Goemon exchanged a knowing look. 

“You’d be surprised,” Jigen said, but didn’t elaborate. 

Goemon nodded his agreement. “Yatagarasu is a man of hidden depths and unexpected resourcefulness.”

Lupin just stared at them both, an eyebrow raised. Was that a hint of jealousy in his expression? He did sound a little salty when he said: “Wow. Maybe you should be fucking him instead of me, then!”

“Don’t be petty about it,” Jigen said, squeezing Lupin’s jaw to force his mouth open again. “You know we love you best, even if you are a pervy little shithead.”

Lupin moaned around the mouthful of Jigen, mollified for the moment. Goemon resumed fucking into him from behind, his considerable length making Lupin feel as though his body were just one long tunnel filled with his friends’ cocks. Jigen and Goemon, teamwork second nature to them now, found a rhythm that worked Lupin smoothly forward and back. Goemon gave him the reach around, but mostly to hold the base of Lupin’s cock in the vice grip of his hand, just in case the ring wasn’t enough.

The ring itself began to vibrate harder, louder. Lupin gave a muffled grunt of warning, reaching down to point at his device.

“He’s close,” Goemon agreed, slamming into Lupin with increased vigor. Jigen grunted as his cock was forced further into Lupin’s throat. 

“Then let’s get him the rest of the way there,” Jigen said, breathless as he fucked Lupin’s mouth mercilessly, even though they were Yata’s lips stretched around his cock, Yata’s wide eyes watering from the effort, Yata’s silky, floppy hair tangled around Jigen’s grasping fingers. 

…

“He’s close,” Yata gasped, the surge of vibrations making his cock jump in Zenigata’s fist. “Oh god, oh fuck, we’re almost there.”

Zenigata gave a chiding little scoff. “ _Language_ , Goro.”

“Sorry, sir,” came the automatic response. Zenigata’s mouth twisted a little, and Yata grinned. “Or maybe I should call you… _Pops_?”

“Goddamnit,” hissed Zenigata, and Yata could feel the way that massive cock twitched inside him. “Watch yourself, or I won’t be able to hold back.”

Yata caught Zenigata’s ear lobe with his teeth and sucked it into his hot, wet mouth. “Is it because it’s Lupin’s voice calling you that, or do you just want someone to call you Daddy?” teased Yata, feeling another twitch. “That’s it, isn’t it? Well, then…”

“Goro,” he ground out, forcing himself to stick to a steady rhythm. 

“Fuck me, _Daddy_ ,” Yata whined, eyes half-lidded, mouth open and panting, a little trail of drool shining on his chin. “Fuck me harder. Make me come on your big cock, Daddy, I want it so bad.”

The sound that came out of Zenigata wasn’t entirely human. He growled and grabbed hold of Yata’s hips, slamming Yata on his back onto the mattress. Yata’s long, skinny legs came up over Zenigata’s shoulders until he was almost folded in half. “You asked for it,” he snarled. “Don’t complain to me later.”

“Of course not… _Daddy_.”

Zenigata all but howled, pounding ruthlessly into Yata and digging his thick fingers into Yata’s skin so hard there would be bruises left behind for Lupin to find later.

Yata’s orgasm built in a tightening coil in his belly until he was no longer able to hold back. The frantic buzzing of the cock ring told him that Lupin was in a similar state. “Coming!” he cried out voice carrying through the closed door between rooms. “Now, Lupin!”

…

Lupin couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move himself, couldn’t do anything except take the two cocks pounding into him relentlessly. Goemon finally took pity on him, using a fraction of those incredible reflexes to give Lupin a wank at near-blistering speed. When Yata called to him from the other room, in Lupin’s voice, Lupin stopped trying to hold back. He came so hard his vision whited out.

When he opened his eyes again, he was on his back, semen splattered all over his chest and belly, and Zenigata was fucking him like he meant to break him. “Oh, fuck yeah,” he gasped, taking the sudden change in position and partners in stride. “That’s what I’m talking about. You gonna come for me, Koichi?”

Zenigata faltered for just a fraction of a second as he realized that something had changed. “L-Lupin?”

“The one and only.” Lupin smirked, and it felt correct to do so with his own face. “So, how about it, big guy? I’m good to let you finish if you are.”

His own cock still stood stiff and flushed, despite having already climaxed once. If Zenigata played his cards right, he’d get an encore. 

…

Yata choked and gagged around the cock suddenly in his throat. Jigen pulled out immediately, cradling his face between knobbly hands. Goemon patted his back and withdrew as well. “No, no, go ahead and keep going,” Yata told them, despite his red and teary eyes. “It feels so good to be back in my own body, I want to enjoy this.”

With a shrug, Jigen offered his cock once more, and Yata fell upon it eagerly, sucking and bobbing his head with far more initiative than Lupin had taken. Goemon eased back inside as well, re-building the rhythm he and Jigen had interrupted. Yata’s orgasm had left him feeling like one big raw nerve. To get fucked from both ends so soon after taking Zenigata… it was just too much. He came again, only a small spurt of come squeezing out of his oversensitive cock. Goemon grunted once, twice, and released inside Yata, while Jigen pulled back and finished on Yata’s face in hot, wet stripes.

…

“LUPIN!” Zenigata roared, slamming into Lupin’s skinny ass one last time and filling the condom to the brim. Holding himself over the thief on shaking arms, Zenigata took deep, ragged breaths. 

“POPS!” Lupin yelped, his second climax leaving him hollow and aching. His legs shook as he pulled them down off Zenigata’s shoulders and let them flop out on the bed. 

To Lupin’s surprise, Zenigata pulled him into a cuddle, mess and all. He even used a damp hand towel to wipe Lupin’s chest and belly down, hesitating at his softening cock and red, twitching hole before gently cleaning that area as well. When Lupin was clean enough, Zenigata gave himself a cursory scrub as well, then tied off the condom and deposited it neatly in the wastebasket. 

“Welcome back,” Zenigata murmured, kissing Lupin with a depth of emotion that took Lupin’s breath away. 

…

Yata opened his eyes, realizing he was tucked into bed between two warm and familiar bodies. Jigen was smoking a cigarette, and even Goemon had a lit pipe in hand. The smoke didn’t really bother him; he must be getting used to it. 

“Good to have you back,” Jigen greeted, as casually as though Yata hadn’t just spent several hours swapped with Jigen’s best friend, as though they hadn’t just had to fuck to a synchronized orgasm to break a bizarre curse. 

“Good to be back.” Yata sighed and ran a hand over his chest, glad to find its familiar landscape once more. Frowning, he dragged his hand lower, checking. He wasn’t sticky. 

“We cleaned you up,” Goemon provided helpfully. “You fell asleep immediately.”

“Ah.” Yata snuggled back down into the blankets, then popped up again, eyes wide. “Inspector!”

Jigen and Goemon each caught him by a shoulder and shoved him back into the bed. “Trust me when I tell you that Pops is fine, and that you don’t wanna go in there right now,” Jigen said. “They’re working out their stuff. Best leave them to it.”

Yata bit his lip (and it really was his again), but didn’t try to argue. “So… does that mean we have ‘stuff’ to work out, too?”

Jigen shrugged and chewed on the filter of his cigarette. “Do we?”

“The situation seems to be resolved,” Goemon observed, arms crossed as he sat in a meditative pose. 

Yata sighed, then sat up once more. “I like both of you. A lot. But it’s probably clear to everyone that I have strong feelings for Zenigata.”

“Yeah, that all sounds right,” Jigen agreed. “And?”

“And what?”

“And… what’s the issue?” Jigen tipped his head back just enough to peek out from under the brim of his hat (which was the only stitch of clothing on him, as far as Yata could see). 

“Do you wish not to repeat these encounters with us?” Goemon asked more directly. “You are a pleasing bed partner, but I understand that circumstances would make an ongoing arrangement difficult at best.”

“I don’t know. I just don’t know!” Yata clutched at his head. “I’ve been back in my body for like five minutes! I don’t… I have no idea what I want anymore.”

“It doesn’t have to be difficult or a problem if you don’t want it to be,” Jigen said. “All it takes is two or more people who wanna make something work. The rest comes from that. Just talk to Pops when you get a chance. It’ll be whatever it’s going to be.”

The laconic gunman held his cigarette far to the side so he wouldn’t accidentally burn Yata, when he drew the younger man to his chest in a comfortable embrace. “In the meantime, I don’t mind enjoying your company a little longer.”

“You’re quieter than Lupin,” Goemon informed him with the hint of a smile, snuggling up behind Yata as the big spoon. 

“You smell better, too.” Jigen grinned. 

“You are definitely cuter.”

“Oh, by a long shot.”

Yata had to laugh. “All right, I guess you’ve convinced me to stay in bed with you until Lupin leaves the inspector alone. Thanks, both of you.”

…

“What do you mean, you _sold_ it?!” Jigen growled, biting his cigarette nearly in half. 

“You broke the curse, so I assumed you didn’t need it anymore,” Fujiko said. She was filing her nails, looking bored with this conversation already. “Look, Lupin left it with me. That’s as good as a gift, in my book.”

“Ah, yeah, that’s my bad,” Lupin said, rubbing the back of his neck with a grimace. “I was a little distracted.”

“So the amulet is…?” Zenigata was afraid to finish his question.

“Long gone. I included a warning for the curse, as well as instructions for how to break it,” Fujiko said helpfully. “Honestly, I think I got a better price for the curse than the amulet alone. People are into some weird kinks.”

Yata and Zenigata exchanged a glance, then blushed and looked away. They still had their own ‘stuff’ to discuss, once they were alone.

“Well, all’s well that ends well!” Lupin cheered, throwing an arm around Jigen and Goemon. “Good teamwork, everybody! Now, as much fun as it’s been…”

…

“I suppose we should talk,” Zenigata sighed. 

“There isn’t much else we can do,” Yata agreed. They were tied back-to-back to a pair of chairs in the hotel room. How Lupin had managed to get them in ropes so quickly was best left unsaid. It was too embarrassing. 

“I want you to know that I have great respect for you as an officer,” Zenigata said. “I meant everything I said before. I couldn’t ask for a better partner.”

“But?”

“But… you know it’s complicated. We shouldn’t, for professional reasons, be involved with each other. Or with any of… them.”

“And yet…”

“And yet here we are.” Zenigata tugged on the ropes in vain. “I suppose it’s hypocritical of me to say such things.”

“A little, yes,” Yata agreed. “I understand, though.”

“You do?”

“Of course. I just think you’re wrong.”

“You—wait, what?”

“You say we shouldn’t be involved with each other, or with Lupin’s crew, but think about it, Inspector. Who else is there for us? You’ve spent the past couple decades chasing after this man and his allies, to the exclusion of all other relationships or other connections in your life. I may be the new guy, here, but even I can see that. Furthermore, I fully intend to stick around for as long as I’m able. As long as you’ll have me. And… you could have me as more than a work partner, if you wanted.”

Zenigata gave a slow, shuddering exhale through his nose. “Yata… You offer me too much.”

“By whose standards?” Yata demanded. His hands fumbled between the chairs until he could take hold of Zenigata’s, squeezing them awkwardly. “What if this is exactly what I want to offer you?”

“Yata—”

“No, sir, please listen to me.” Yata’s throat had a fishhook in it, and if he spoke he was going to catch tears, but he didn’t care. He’d already gone through some of the most humiliating nonsense of his life over the past day. “I love you, Koichi Zenigata. I have for a while now. So please, don’t dismiss my feelings so callously.”

Zenigata was silent for a moment, but Yata could feel his shoulders shaking. “Sir?”

A stifled, hiccuping sound answered him. “Goro… I don’t know what to say. I love you, too. I just didn’t want you to waste your time on an old washed-up guy like me.”

“That’s not how I think of you at all!” Now the tears were streaming freely down Yata’s face. “So, now that we understand each other, will you let me love you?”

“Yes,” Zenigata sobbed, his large frame trembling. “Yes, of course. If that’s what you want. How can I refuse?”

…

“This is gonna give me another toothache,” Jigen groaned, watching the video feed Lupin had set up. “How are they both so friggin’ sweet?”

“Don’t act like you wouldn’t wanna be the meat in that sandwich,” Lupin teased, bumping his hip into Jigen’s. 

“I never said that,” Jigen grumbled. “But still.”

“Their love is so pure,” Goemon whispered, his voice choked with emotion. His companions looked over to see stoic, manly tears tracking down his cheeks. 

“Oi, Goemon, we’re not at a kabuki show,” Lupin laughed. 

“Shh. Let him have this,” Jigen murmured, punching Lupin lightly in the shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah… Well, once they manage to untie themselves, I have some presents for our dear Yata.” Lupin snickered and flipped through the photos on his phone. 

“I think Yata had the same idea,” Jigen coughed, handing his own phone over. Naturally, Yata had his number, but not Lupin’s, so Jigen was the one stuck receiving certain compromising photos. They were surprisingly tasteful, most of Zenigata’s face cropped out of the frame, but that chest and chin unmistakable for anyone else’s. ‘Lupin’ was cuddled up to that chest, blushing and smiling coyly at the camera. It was such a not-Lupin expression that Lupin himself gave a squawk of indignation. 

“Just for that, I should send these to the police chief!”

Jigen and Goemon had to team up to take Lupin’s phone away before he got poor Yata fired. They did send the photos to Yata, though, because Jigen knew they would make him blush. They might also give him _ideas_.

Meanwhile, Fujiko saved a copy of her own video feed under a folder marked “stock market analysis,” looking well-pleased with herself. Blackmail or spank bank material? Both? That was for Fujiko to know and literally nobody else to find out.

In the end, despite all of the tricksters and thieves involved, and despite the high probability of something incriminating landing on someone's big, important desk, nothing ultimately did. Only the usual reports and stacks of paperwork—and one, nearly overlooked, cartoonishly embellished calling card.

…

_end_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
